Uhmm yeah, it's 2:40am and I JUST started writing the 3rd page. Like meaning I have one line on it. The paper has to be 4-5 pages, which isn't bad I guess, I'm just such a slow fucking thinker/writer. Like..I check my buddy list every two minutes, but won't talk to anybody...I just need something else to do besides write, like add diary entries!! ...at least I had some chocolate and I'm not completely dead yet.

Oh...get this..they're raising tuition next year. Like this school doesn't cost enough already, next year it's gonna be over $30,000 a year. And that's in print already, so it's a definite change. When I saw it I kinda flipped out, cuz I had some major struggling this year already, but next year is just gonna be worse. What do I pay now?...it's like $28,000 or somewhere around there, and $2,000 to me is a lot!!

I feel like I need all this stuff, too. Not need persay, but strongly desire (???). Like shoes...I have terrible shoes! The only things I'll really wear are my sneakers, and all they match are my jeans, which I only have like two pair left of. Which means I need new jeans cuz I LOVE jeans!

Okay I don't wanna talk about that anymore...

Someone called me an attention whore today. For some reason, that hurt my feelings, whether they were tryin to or not. Maybe I am...but I don't want to be. I hate when people insult you and actually make you think about it, and doubt yourself and crap. Cuz if you're secure, you're not gonna care. That's why when someone gets offended at bein called a whore, you know they are one...or at least close enough to doubt themselves.

Oh oh...what does that say about guys who get offended by bein called gay?? Oh oh up tight or HOMOSEXUAL. Yeah, I never really liked that example....cuz guys just don't like bein called gay because then ALL their chance with women is GONE...lmao...I think most women would rather spend time with gay guys than straight guys...am I wrong??

BLABBER.

Ian called me today..crazy bastard. I kinda 'accidently' forgot to hang up on him, and then I didn't know what to do, so I just talked. I was in too good of a mood anyway.

So he's moving to Ohio...and told me that I'm gonna be hearing a lot about "Shimy" in the near future...which is him, so that kinda scares me. I told him not to call back, but I kinda screwed myself over by even having the conversation, now didn't I?!

The weirdest part was...Chrissy emailed me today, too. Nothing elaborate, just a forwarded email. But then I realized...I don't remember if I ever told her I didn't wanna talk to her anymore, or if she still thinks I like her.

It doesn't matter I guess...at the rate I'm goin I'll lose all my previous friends, anyway. Not that I necessarily want to, but I'm all the way out here, and I never see them...and the internet fucking sucks. Especially with people I'm so used to being with. Not that I 'hung out' all that much lol...but even just high-fivin it up in school!!

God I miss how it used to be. Everything was the same...every day, though...I think that's what makes it so hard. Pretty much all of school was the same, cept for the part where I changed schools in 7th grade. I guess from 7th grade on, then. It was just always the same!! Minus Ashley, Plus Jello, and plus a few freshmen along the way, but it was just....AHH fuck it. ...it's never coming back.

I just wish I had something to look forward to, rather than the possibility that I might be happy next year. Go ahead, say it's my own fault, and it is, but if you can't identify with me, then you obviously don't have my problem, so SHHHH.

I spent 20 mins writing this. That makes it...guess??? 3AM!! Woohoo...Time to get back to work, indeed. Because now I've strained my brain to write this crap for you, it's too beat to write a paper! Or maybe now it's clear so that I can write about art...

Either way, I'm out. Have a good one, and please, don't get me wrong, I appreciate every one of you, and I don't wanna lose you :)

LOTS OF LOVE!

*edit* Go download Nightwish - Dead Boy's Poem ...if you feel like wasting your time anyway. I like the song, but I doubt most of you would. Anjeeways, read about the chicken. Notice I'm still procrastinatin?? Shit and it's 3:30 now...haha *GOES AWAY*