I hate to be whiny and all that, but I really feel like I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. Not that I have anything significant to say, but I just want someone to be there. The worst part is, that people are there and I push them away.

I'm at this point where I'm yearning for things I probably shouldn't be--things that will get me into trouble, that I'll regret later. I just want something better, or the good things back.

I wonder if I'll ever really have a close friend, just because I'm not sure if I can get close. I've already decided I could be single forever, but that kinda ruins my dreams of having kids.

I always say I have my mom, but I don't even really feel like I can talk to her anymore, because she always seems preoccupied with her boyfriend. I'm jealous, but not resentful. I'm glad she's happy, but I guess I've always wanted to feel special.

So basically, I don't know where the fuck my life is headed, and it scares me to death. I always had this concrete plan, and now it's gone.

I really really want to be a happy person, like I always preach, and for the most part I think I am happy, but I dunno..that might be an act, too. This shit is weighing me down, though. I'm sorry for bringing you down with me.

There are too many weeds in the flowers.